i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
