It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
