I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
