Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
