all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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