went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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