didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
