He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
