she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
how does that bad decision feel?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
