Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
