Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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