I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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