me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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