i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
