Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
