Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
