We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
