You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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