im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
