I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
