i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
