i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
