I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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