wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
