; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
