Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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