Me. At least after what I've been through.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
