I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if only i could text you this smell
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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