I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
