he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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