This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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