oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
