Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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