on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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