I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
