theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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