Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
