i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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