New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
