You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
