You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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