Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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