Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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