Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
grandma shit on top of the toilet
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize