I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
