My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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