so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
