I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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