i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
