Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
