I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
