tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
