Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
