So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
