Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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