I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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