i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
