all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
