Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
