My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
