Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
