the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
