He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
are you so shy because you have an std?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
