I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
