I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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