Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
