i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
