So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize