so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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