I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
