I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
