I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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